Andy just about shocked me out of my skin tonight......we come home from church and I say something about being glad that we don't have several children already like another very young couple at church, and he pauses and says, "well, we are getting older....." and so I reply, "but you aren't ready to start trying, are you?" He says, "Not necessarily trying....just not preventing....."
I nearly FELL OUT.
This was NO WARNING at all - no signs - just out of the blue!
But I'm okay with it....a little scared.....seems like we never have any money, but that's not likely to change. I just don't want to ever have to work full-time when we have kids.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
Awesome Stuff God Has Done - Answering silly, doubtful prayers
[Approx. Date] September 2008 – For some reason I began to struggle anew with my relationship with God. I never want to take my salvation lightly, but at the same time, without confidence that I AM saved, I am impotent in my ability to minister effectively to others. I was concerned that most all of the awesome things that happened to ME, were actually happening to Andy as well. I didn’t want to assume that God was answering MY prayer when he might just be honoring Andy’s prayers and mine were superfluous. I wanted to see God answer me specifically. Not to make Him do what I wanted Him to do – but to just know that He does indeed hear *me.* Well, Pat had promised me a $200 bonus when I considered moving to Amy Shumate’s office. A month and a half had passed and he had made no further mention of it, so I figured it to be long past, which was no big deal. I began to pray that he would indeed remember his promise and pay me the bonus. I prayed for nearly a week, and with no results, I began to feel desperate. I prayed earnestly, asking God to meet me in this way – to give me confidence that He is hearing me. The same day that I became desperate and really cried out to Him for this favor towards me, Pat called me aside and he had his checkbook out to write me a $250 check. I felt a surge of relief and gratefulness that our marvelous, omnipotent God would stop in His almighty tracks to meet me at my place of need. I needed assurance, and He knew it and that’s what He gave me – with a $50 cherry on top!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Late night frustrations (imported from Myspace)
You know, this blogging late at night thing only leads one direction.......rambling. Oh, well though - I need to purge myself of some excess thoughts.
It's funny though how every youth group is different. They say that youth groups are generally made up of Pharisees and sinners. Usually very little middle ground. Looking in from the outside, you look at the group from Cowarts and see all the "outside" sin: sex, drugs, profanity, etc. and it looks awful. But then you go to a "church-ified" environment, where the kids are from two parent households and have been raised in church, and you see pride, apathy, unwillingness to get out of the comfort zone and I sometimes wonder if it isn't a HARDER ministry than the one to those with a bad family background who are SO open to the gospel because they are desperately looking for something to change their life.
I am currently frustrated with a situation that has arisen, and I really can't tell you why it is bothering me so much. I think it may have a lot to do with the fact that Jesus never bothered with Pharisees. His harshest words were reserved for them. He went to the sinners, the downcast, the dirty, the unwanted, the rejects of the world. Of course the gospel was for everyone, but everyone wasn't desperate enough to cry out to him like a little child. But oh, those of us who have been downtrodden - we know that He is all the hope we have. You know, it's no different with kids. Privileged kids know the right answers and have all the opportunities, but they have to guard against apathy - being lukewarm. (We all know how God feels about being lukewarm!) But I don't want to waste my time begging Pharisees to take Jesus seriously when sinners are out there in droves dying for someone to take time to tell them the good news.
I am just a little discouraged because one of the older ones, that fancies themself quite "spiritual" (yuck - I hate that attitude....) was so full of excuses about why she couldn't reach out to other kids that were different from her. The words "they should just find someone else like them" actually came from her lips!??!! What??!! What happened to love (i.e. I John 3.....love for the brethren). The list of excuses ran on and on about why she couldn't invite anyone to church. My dialogue with her went like this, though I didn't voice ALL these thoughts - I did a lot of holding back. I don't know her well enough to be perfectly honest.
Her: I can't invite my friends - they go to different churches.
ME: All of them go to church?
Her: Oh, and they wouldn't come on a Friday - they party on the weekends.
ME: I thought you said they ALL went to church somewhere? What kind of so-called Christians are these?
Her: I don't know anyone who would want to come on Wednesday night.
ME: Funny how many people are starving for something to do. Okay, so make some new friends intentionally so you can introduce them to the gospel.
Her: Oh I can't make friends for the purposes of the gospel!
ME: Why not? You don't have to be "in your face" about it - just be nice and over time see where the conversation goes.
Yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda......
The thing about this is. She isn't willing to do ANYTHING. Not invite current friends, not make new friends. According to her, every single person she knows attends church regularly AND parties every weekend and would never be interested in coming to church on Wednesday OR to a "fun" event. Okay, here's the rub. What about the dorky kids? Okay - there are LOTS of dorky kids out there and they need Jesus too. So love them like Jesus - I bet THEY don't have better things to do on Wednesdays, or for fun events, or for anything else where they can be accepted and loved unconditionally. But no, that would mean being with people I don't like, lowering my standards of who I hang with, making myself available for God to use - even at my own expense.......
After all - what's the gospel really worth to her? To me? I praise God that she appears to be an aberration, not the norm here, but man, I hate to see that attitude ever. The question is, I suppose, am I going to waste my time with Pharisees or dust my feet off and run to share the good news with sinners desperate for rescue......
It's funny though how every youth group is different. They say that youth groups are generally made up of Pharisees and sinners. Usually very little middle ground. Looking in from the outside, you look at the group from Cowarts and see all the "outside" sin: sex, drugs, profanity, etc. and it looks awful. But then you go to a "church-ified" environment, where the kids are from two parent households and have been raised in church, and you see pride, apathy, unwillingness to get out of the comfort zone and I sometimes wonder if it isn't a HARDER ministry than the one to those with a bad family background who are SO open to the gospel because they are desperately looking for something to change their life.
I am currently frustrated with a situation that has arisen, and I really can't tell you why it is bothering me so much. I think it may have a lot to do with the fact that Jesus never bothered with Pharisees. His harshest words were reserved for them. He went to the sinners, the downcast, the dirty, the unwanted, the rejects of the world. Of course the gospel was for everyone, but everyone wasn't desperate enough to cry out to him like a little child. But oh, those of us who have been downtrodden - we know that He is all the hope we have. You know, it's no different with kids. Privileged kids know the right answers and have all the opportunities, but they have to guard against apathy - being lukewarm. (We all know how God feels about being lukewarm!) But I don't want to waste my time begging Pharisees to take Jesus seriously when sinners are out there in droves dying for someone to take time to tell them the good news.
I am just a little discouraged because one of the older ones, that fancies themself quite "spiritual" (yuck - I hate that attitude....) was so full of excuses about why she couldn't reach out to other kids that were different from her. The words "they should just find someone else like them" actually came from her lips!??!! What??!! What happened to love (i.e. I John 3.....love for the brethren). The list of excuses ran on and on about why she couldn't invite anyone to church. My dialogue with her went like this, though I didn't voice ALL these thoughts - I did a lot of holding back. I don't know her well enough to be perfectly honest.
Her: I can't invite my friends - they go to different churches.
ME: All of them go to church?
Her: Oh, and they wouldn't come on a Friday - they party on the weekends.
ME: I thought you said they ALL went to church somewhere? What kind of so-called Christians are these?
Her: I don't know anyone who would want to come on Wednesday night.
ME: Funny how many people are starving for something to do. Okay, so make some new friends intentionally so you can introduce them to the gospel.
Her: Oh I can't make friends for the purposes of the gospel!
ME: Why not? You don't have to be "in your face" about it - just be nice and over time see where the conversation goes.
Yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda......
The thing about this is. She isn't willing to do ANYTHING. Not invite current friends, not make new friends. According to her, every single person she knows attends church regularly AND parties every weekend and would never be interested in coming to church on Wednesday OR to a "fun" event. Okay, here's the rub. What about the dorky kids? Okay - there are LOTS of dorky kids out there and they need Jesus too. So love them like Jesus - I bet THEY don't have better things to do on Wednesdays, or for fun events, or for anything else where they can be accepted and loved unconditionally. But no, that would mean being with people I don't like, lowering my standards of who I hang with, making myself available for God to use - even at my own expense.......
After all - what's the gospel really worth to her? To me? I praise God that she appears to be an aberration, not the norm here, but man, I hate to see that attitude ever. The question is, I suppose, am I going to waste my time with Pharisees or dust my feet off and run to share the good news with sinners desperate for rescue......
Monday, August 18, 2008
The Faith of the Chapman family
I don't blog terribly often anymore - as time fails to permit - however, I need to share what moves me. THIS definitely moved me.
I'm sure most everyone is familiar with the tragedy involving the loss of Steven Curtis Chapman's youngest adopted daughter back in May. The Chapman family has been interviewed by Larry King Live and Good Morning America. Take time to watch these interviews - especially the one with Larry King.....if it doesn't remind you of the hope we have in Christ, then your "wood is wet" so to speak. I sat in my office, moved nearly to tears by the pain that this family faces, but so terribly inspired to be more deliberate in my walk with God. The unity that they share is nearly palpable - even via video. I cry out to God that He would help me to exhibit such passion for Him, such dependence on Him throughout the ups and downs that life will bring.
If you actually do have time to watch the video(s) - follow it up with Larry King's comments. It reminds me of King Agrippa - being "almost persuaded." The faith of the Chapman's was not lost on him, however, he states that he cannot make this jump into "blind faith" personally. What a tragedy. To face such personal heartache without a hope.......what could possibly be worse?
Larry King Live interview (part 1 of 6 - all are linked to this one)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9u8T3dL8KYo&feature=related
Larry King's comments afterwards:
http://www.cnn.com/video//video/bestoftv/2008/08/08/lkl.about.thurs.cnn
ABC news interview:
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Story?id=5519704&page=1
I'm sure most everyone is familiar with the tragedy involving the loss of Steven Curtis Chapman's youngest adopted daughter back in May. The Chapman family has been interviewed by Larry King Live and Good Morning America. Take time to watch these interviews - especially the one with Larry King.....if it doesn't remind you of the hope we have in Christ, then your "wood is wet" so to speak. I sat in my office, moved nearly to tears by the pain that this family faces, but so terribly inspired to be more deliberate in my walk with God. The unity that they share is nearly palpable - even via video. I cry out to God that He would help me to exhibit such passion for Him, such dependence on Him throughout the ups and downs that life will bring.
If you actually do have time to watch the video(s) - follow it up with Larry King's comments. It reminds me of King Agrippa - being "almost persuaded." The faith of the Chapman's was not lost on him, however, he states that he cannot make this jump into "blind faith" personally. What a tragedy. To face such personal heartache without a hope.......what could possibly be worse?
Larry King Live interview (part 1 of 6 - all are linked to this one)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9u8T3dL8KYo&feature=related
Larry King's comments afterwards:
http://www.cnn.com/video//video/bestoftv/2008/08/08/lkl.about.thurs.cnn
ABC news interview:
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Story?id=5519704&page=1
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Awesome Stuff God Has Done - Coming to Bethel
I want to remember how all this worked out, because God's hand was ALL OVER IT! When things happen like this, it humbles me to realize that God would take note of us and orchestrate things so beautifully on our behalf. I am so grateful.
We've become very dissatisfied at Cowarts – miserable, really – over the past year, and so anticipating Andy's graduation this month, we began to look for him a new position post-graduation. We mailed out tons of resumes to all kinds of churches. In November 2007 before we went to NYC for vacation, we got a call from Kim Tate – that Bethel Baptist was looking for a youth pastor and wanted to request Andy’s resume. Andy initially said no since he was really looking for a music position. After that it seemed like we ran into Bethel people all over Dothan the next couple of weeks! (And they were all NICE! haha!) Neither of us were comfortable with shutting the door so easily, however, so after a second call from them – he did turn his resume in. By January 2008, over 40 resumes had been submitted and of those resumes, the committee marked Andy’s name as their #3 selection. We didn’t hear anything further for a couple of months so we really had dismissed it, believing that they must have called one of the two guys ahead of Andy. In the meantime, no doors were opening for church positions at all for us. One large church had contacted us back, but they were lackadaisical about moving forward and we weren’t thrilled with them, but hated to shut that door either, even though we had misgivings. In early March, we got a call from Brian Thigpen that the new pastor of Bethel, Ricky Plummer, wanted to meet with him. At their meeting we learned that all of their doors had slammed closed also. We were still uncomfortable with a youth position and they were uncomfortable with Andy’s primary music background. Andy met with Ricky on 3/11/08, then we toured Bethel on 3/17/08. On 3/24/08 Andy had a three hour meeting with the search committee. On 4/2/08 Andy met again with Ricky and Tony Brown at Mia’s to talk about status – they were supposed to vote that night, but weren’t ready. They scheduled a “vision” meeting with Andy and me for the next Monday, the 7th of April and then on the 9th, they voted “yes” to take him before the church as the prospective candidate. Andy ate lunch again with Ricky on the 15th and then met with the staff on the 30th, the same night that they presented his resume to the church for consideration. We came to Bethel yesterday for a Q&A session with the church and to meet the youth. Tonight, during the evening service, Andy gave his testimony and they voted 93% yes to call him! Blessed be our God who takes care of ALL the details! We don't have to move, Andy gets to do what he loves, we get to be a part of a GREAT church!
We've become very dissatisfied at Cowarts – miserable, really – over the past year, and so anticipating Andy's graduation this month, we began to look for him a new position post-graduation. We mailed out tons of resumes to all kinds of churches. In November 2007 before we went to NYC for vacation, we got a call from Kim Tate – that Bethel Baptist was looking for a youth pastor and wanted to request Andy’s resume. Andy initially said no since he was really looking for a music position. After that it seemed like we ran into Bethel people all over Dothan the next couple of weeks! (And they were all NICE! haha!) Neither of us were comfortable with shutting the door so easily, however, so after a second call from them – he did turn his resume in. By January 2008, over 40 resumes had been submitted and of those resumes, the committee marked Andy’s name as their #3 selection. We didn’t hear anything further for a couple of months so we really had dismissed it, believing that they must have called one of the two guys ahead of Andy. In the meantime, no doors were opening for church positions at all for us. One large church had contacted us back, but they were lackadaisical about moving forward and we weren’t thrilled with them, but hated to shut that door either, even though we had misgivings. In early March, we got a call from Brian Thigpen that the new pastor of Bethel, Ricky Plummer, wanted to meet with him. At their meeting we learned that all of their doors had slammed closed also. We were still uncomfortable with a youth position and they were uncomfortable with Andy’s primary music background. Andy met with Ricky on 3/11/08, then we toured Bethel on 3/17/08. On 3/24/08 Andy had a three hour meeting with the search committee. On 4/2/08 Andy met again with Ricky and Tony Brown at Mia’s to talk about status – they were supposed to vote that night, but weren’t ready. They scheduled a “vision” meeting with Andy and me for the next Monday, the 7th of April and then on the 9th, they voted “yes” to take him before the church as the prospective candidate. Andy ate lunch again with Ricky on the 15th and then met with the staff on the 30th, the same night that they presented his resume to the church for consideration. We came to Bethel yesterday for a Q&A session with the church and to meet the youth. Tonight, during the evening service, Andy gave his testimony and they voted 93% yes to call him! Blessed be our God who takes care of ALL the details! We don't have to move, Andy gets to do what he loves, we get to be a part of a GREAT church!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Awesome Stuff God Has Done - Keyboard
[Approx. Date] I needed a keyboard for youth and youth events. I wanted to spend $700-$1000 for said keyboard. I searched everywhere on ebay, craiglist, etc., to no avail. Anything GOOD was at LEAST $1500. Then I went to dothaneagle.com (of all places) and in hickville – Coffee Springs, there was a Roland Fantom X8 keyboard listed for sale for $1200. Well, I didn’t want to spend more than $1000, so I called him and he agreed to sell it to me for that price. It was brand new, he didn’t even play the keyboard and had put stickers for the letter names of the keys to try to learn. He even gave me a small amp to go with it. The keyboard retailed for $3,500 and as I drove home, I stopped in a local music store to buy a damper pedal (the only thing NOT included) and the exact keyboard that was in the back of our truck was in the store for $3,499 brand new!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Maybe there is a stopping point.....(imported from Myspace)
You know, the church thing is starting to really get to me. Instead of better, it just seems to get worse, and worse, and worse.
Throughout the whole time we've been at Cowarts, there has always been a bright spot - the youth. When it seemed like we were fighting an uphill battle, we were encouraged by the kids and the growth we saw there. Things have been difficult to say the least in a typical mid-size Alabama church that hates the fact that they can't keep doing church the way grandma and pop did it. Well, that "light" produced by the youth has really started to dim.
I know that teenagers are irresponsible and unreliable to say the least. But our group is different somehow........you just can't get through to them. Which, we have no "church-kid core" to stabilize and provide a role model system for those moving up. I feel like we are hosting a club, minus the disco ball and loud music. It's never bothered me that we have a group of hoodlums, because I've always felt that what we were doing mattered. I'm not feeling that way anymore, and it's not fun. Most of our "core" is growing up and out, and there are just no young ones that are ready to be open with their faith and really stand up and stand out.
I'm tired of planning events that are underattended, I'm tired of fighting text messaging in every service, I'm tired of the fact that we've tried to expose them to honest worship for going on four years and they still stare at us with blank expressions. But yet they keep coming........go figure???
That's what blows my mind. Why are they there? There is so much more to do that is exciting out there - why us? Why our group? I want our group to be attractive to non-believers, and I've always prided our group on being varied and loving to new people, regardless of where they are.
Something has changed though. I don't mind us all being "sinners" together - but they don't seem to want to strive for more. And I am not interested in hosting a get-together to plan when to get laid later. I'm hearing rumors of drug sales (which I really don't believe), but I do believe the stories of drunkenness and sex because I see evidence of all that by the way they look, act and what they post on myspace. The language is ridiculous, and there is quite a bit of drug usage throughout our group. All this would be okay, if I saw just a *hint* of real repentence or desire to change. But I don't.
It's probably just my mood, or just my day, but today I feel like "what's the point?" You know, the bible even talks about when you go into a town and are rejected you should just shake the dust off your sandals and move on. Maybe it's time to Andy and I to dust off our sandals....
Throughout the whole time we've been at Cowarts, there has always been a bright spot - the youth. When it seemed like we were fighting an uphill battle, we were encouraged by the kids and the growth we saw there. Things have been difficult to say the least in a typical mid-size Alabama church that hates the fact that they can't keep doing church the way grandma and pop did it. Well, that "light" produced by the youth has really started to dim.
I know that teenagers are irresponsible and unreliable to say the least. But our group is different somehow........you just can't get through to them. Which, we have no "church-kid core" to stabilize and provide a role model system for those moving up. I feel like we are hosting a club, minus the disco ball and loud music. It's never bothered me that we have a group of hoodlums, because I've always felt that what we were doing mattered. I'm not feeling that way anymore, and it's not fun. Most of our "core" is growing up and out, and there are just no young ones that are ready to be open with their faith and really stand up and stand out.
I'm tired of planning events that are underattended, I'm tired of fighting text messaging in every service, I'm tired of the fact that we've tried to expose them to honest worship for going on four years and they still stare at us with blank expressions. But yet they keep coming........go figure???
That's what blows my mind. Why are they there? There is so much more to do that is exciting out there - why us? Why our group? I want our group to be attractive to non-believers, and I've always prided our group on being varied and loving to new people, regardless of where they are.
Something has changed though. I don't mind us all being "sinners" together - but they don't seem to want to strive for more. And I am not interested in hosting a get-together to plan when to get laid later. I'm hearing rumors of drug sales (which I really don't believe), but I do believe the stories of drunkenness and sex because I see evidence of all that by the way they look, act and what they post on myspace. The language is ridiculous, and there is quite a bit of drug usage throughout our group. All this would be okay, if I saw just a *hint* of real repentence or desire to change. But I don't.
It's probably just my mood, or just my day, but today I feel like "what's the point?" You know, the bible even talks about when you go into a town and are rejected you should just shake the dust off your sandals and move on. Maybe it's time to Andy and I to dust off our sandals....
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
2007 Resolutions (imported from Myspace)
Last year I actually made resolutions - though I prefer to call them goals. So-called New Year's Resolutions just have too much negative baggage to even be taken seriously. I actually wrote my goals down and posted them on my refrigerator for daily reminding and necessary guilting. Goals for last year were as follows:
1. Achieve and maintain a goal weight of XXX. Failed, though I came darn close. Then I gained five, lost seven, so on and so forth. Thankfully the maintaining part was pretty much successful over the long haul though, with only a few extra Christmas pounds to shed. Certainly much better off than this time last year.
2. To pay off all consumer debt, minus mortgage. Well, this one is questionable - all the debt is paid off, but more student loans have been incurred, etc. Overall, the goal was to be become increasingly financially healthy in 2007, and I certainly think that we have, which is great. This freedom helped to allow me to work part-time starting in August and go back to school.
3. To organize and redecorate office. Check. It's beautiful and practical! Love it.
4. To plan and organize youth program for maximum effectiveness. Hmmmm.......gotta think on this one - it's an ongoing effort. We did manage to send newsletters faithfully and establish a wonderful new space, but our bus ministry is failing miserably (not our fault!) so numbers have been a little down, which is discouraging.
5. To buy a one-year bible and read daily. Bought the bible.....can't say I finished out the year through their program. Bad Rhonda. Did read on my own though.
6. To build my prayer life. Prayer has always been my most difficult spiritual discipline. I have tried, but this will need to be added back to next year's goals.
7. To go back to school, make good grades and be on track to graduate in Fall 2008. Check. Very proud that I have made all A's thus far and should graduate in July 2008. Yay!
8. To read at least one quality book per month - but to shoot for reading two. Failed, though I did do some reading and listened to several audiobooks. Was not dedicated in this regard.
9. To be a better wife overall by managing my home more effectively and showing and communicating love to my husband in his love languages. I have worked on this - but there is always significant room for improvement. But I guess that is the way marriage is - there is always a need to strive to be better and more responsive to the other's needs.
Overall, 2007 was a good year. I love working part-time and being back in school is such a blessing. God has been so good to me and Andy and we are so undeserving. I'm working on new goals for '08 and am certain that it will be a year of change, with both of us graduating there will be a lot of semi-major decisions to be made.
Well, I am exhausted and need to go to bed. My grammar and syntax are probably horrific, but I am too tired to care. But I did want to memorialize my goals for last year for posterity before I threw away my refrigerator sheet. :)
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