You know, the church thing is starting to really get to me. Instead of better, it just seems to get worse, and worse, and worse.
Throughout the whole time we've been at Cowarts, there has always been a bright spot - the youth. When it seemed like we were fighting an uphill battle, we were encouraged by the kids and the growth we saw there. Things have been difficult to say the least in a typical mid-size Alabama church that hates the fact that they can't keep doing church the way grandma and pop did it. Well, that "light" produced by the youth has really started to dim.
I know that teenagers are irresponsible and unreliable to say the least. But our group is different somehow........you just can't get through to them. Which, we have no "church-kid core" to stabilize and provide a role model system for those moving up. I feel like we are hosting a club, minus the disco ball and loud music. It's never bothered me that we have a group of hoodlums, because I've always felt that what we were doing mattered. I'm not feeling that way anymore, and it's not fun. Most of our "core" is growing up and out, and there are just no young ones that are ready to be open with their faith and really stand up and stand out.
I'm tired of planning events that are underattended, I'm tired of fighting text messaging in every service, I'm tired of the fact that we've tried to expose them to honest worship for going on four years and they still stare at us with blank expressions. But yet they keep coming........go figure???
That's what blows my mind. Why are they there? There is so much more to do that is exciting out there - why us? Why our group? I want our group to be attractive to non-believers, and I've always prided our group on being varied and loving to new people, regardless of where they are.
Something has changed though. I don't mind us all being "sinners" together - but they don't seem to want to strive for more. And I am not interested in hosting a get-together to plan when to get laid later. I'm hearing rumors of drug sales (which I really don't believe), but I do believe the stories of drunkenness and sex because I see evidence of all that by the way they look, act and what they post on myspace. The language is ridiculous, and there is quite a bit of drug usage throughout our group. All this would be okay, if I saw just a *hint* of real repentence or desire to change. But I don't.
It's probably just my mood, or just my day, but today I feel like "what's the point?" You know, the bible even talks about when you go into a town and are rejected you should just shake the dust off your sandals and move on. Maybe it's time to Andy and I to dust off our sandals....
