To say that "tomorrow never comes" is to speak truth. I am guilty of continually putting off good plans to a later time that will better suit my *softer* side.....the weaker side of my person. The side of me that wants to delay is generally the side that is unable to exercise in self-discipline, unwilling to learn self-control, uninterested in self-denial. Frankly, it's the part of me that keeps me from the greatest blessing. It's the "old man" that Paul spoke of in _______. I have so much passion to do more - to be more - to excel - to grow. But yet, I continue to waste hours of my brief existence instead of making them count. Well, I would love to say a hearty, "no more!" however, I am under no illusion as to what I am made up of and what my personal strength can accomplish.
I do claim that Phil _____, that I AM capable of all things through Christ and His strength. I know that part of God's character is that He is working all things to my benefit (Romans 8:28), that He has good plans for those He loves (Jer. 28:11). As such - I need to align myself with Him. I need to seek Him first ( ), so that everything else falls into place.
On a practical note - what areas of my life am I most convicted over.....let's see. First off - my personal ministry. I have not sold out in this area, partly due to laziness and partly due to insecurity because of other women in my midst. Even though I know that girls need more than one influence, I have been mistaken in how I have handled this particular issue. Territorialism on the part of adult women towards their younger counterparts is not holy or beneficial. I will not give myself over as a willing captive to this insecurity any longer. My husband was called to Bethel, therefore I am called to Bethel. I was not called to be pretty and look nice on his arm. I was not called to be gracious evermore, to the exclusion of doing what is right. I was not called to be inactive and waste my time, and bypass opportunities to bless those around me (Do not withhold good when it is in your power to do so...). So I intend to take my personal ministry with the girls in general, and specifically my Sunday School class much more seriously. Step 1: I will set aside Wednesday afternoons as prime time for relationship building. I will select one girl for a while to try to get to know each Wednesday - take her to dinner and then bring her back to church. This will not interfere with my time with Andy or with their homework time. Seems to me to be a good plan. Some girls that I feel drawn to are: Presley, Rachel M., Emma, Rebecca, Sydney. I will start with them.
Other areas of conviction. My bible study time. I have already been taking action in this area and have felt the blessings of increased familiarity with scripture. It is certainly true that the more you study, the more you realize you do not know and the more hunger you have to learn. (Prayer: May I never succumb to the temptation to learn intellectually at the expense of being taught by the Spirit.) I have been studying Esther, I Timothy and Acts. I have been sorely lacking in my understanding of how Acts fits with the gospel narratives and through teaching it in Sunday School, I have had the opportunity to try to really "get it." What a joy! How amazing to learn the story of how the church began and really leave with a firmer understanding of the history! My prayer is that I can excite the girls under my tutelage, and inspire a hunger for the Word longterm.....Lord, please show me how to do this - give me skills that are above my own. Without Your involvement and guidance, I am incapable.
Another note of conviction: my prayer life. One one - stinks. I find prayer to be the hardest spiritual discipline, bar none. I am reading Michael's Catt's book on the history of Sherwood Baptist and how God has moved mightily there and am absolutely reminded of the power of prayer and how it aligns us with God's purposes and direction. To fail to pray is a sin (pray without ceasing.) and as such, I am continually sinful. I MUST dedicate myself to improving in this area. Not so I can check it off my list, but so that I can become more in tune with what God is doing around me, and be an active participant as part of the means to God's ends.
