Had girls bible study tonight. Amazing since I had planned to cancel it and reschedule for next week. I had contacted everyone (so I thought) and yet four girls showed up. So since the four were here, might as well have everyone come. So they did. Things were a little tense tonight at a point - nothing major though. We all kind of joked around some. We watched our video of the girls sleepover from last week. But one of the youngest got me aside and talked to me about something that had happened recently. Hurt my heart. Boy, when you get close to a group, it's amazing how you hurt right along with them. Which is just the way that I want it. Which is also part of the reason that I am thankful that our group is smaller and more close knit. I would rather have twenty or thirty that I can really minister to and "be there for" instead of fifty that I barely know their names. Easy choice. Small and close wins hands down. But that lends itself to a closeness that makes you vulnerable to their hurts. Plus, at their age - so many mistakes are made. So you are let down so often. But at the same time their successes are shared with you as well. Then you get to beam with pride at their progress. Regardless, though, I hate to see them do things that they will ultimately regret. And the hardest part is working with the kids that don't come from backgrounds that encourage right thinking and good decision-making. After all, like Andy reminds me, we get them after they have enjoyed twelve years of life already. That's twelve years of bad habits, or wrong thinking or whatever. (Or of course, the opposite also applies!) No matter what though, it gives me an opportunity to examine myself. It is far more difficult than I ever imagined it would be to explain even basic truths. Tonight though, my job was just to listen. This particular girl knew what she did was wrong (even though she kept trying to excuse her behavior-we all do that!). She did say that she felt badly about what she had been involved in and then we had a nice discussion about David and his sin. Of all things - she was worried about what "Ms. Rhonda" would think of her! Like I told her - it doesn't matter what Ms. Rhonda thinks - Ms. Rhonda is going to love you regardless - her sin wasn't against me. Ultimately, her sin - my sin - is all against God. That is hard for even me to grasp. But I encouraged her to read David's prayer of repentence to God in Psalm 51. "Against You, You only, have I sinned." That always touches me. My prayer is that I will be reminded that my sin is against the Lord. Like most folks - I am good at excusing myself.
Father - please forgive me where I fail you. Help me to see my sin for what it is. Help me to recognize that when I fail - I hurt YOUR heart, just the same as I hurt for my girls. Help me to seek holiness as a lifestyle, not just something to teach and sing about on Wednesday nights. Create in me a clean heart. Show me my hidden sin that I hide (or excuse) even from myself. Give me wisdom to handle the situations that present themselves to me with our youth in the way that you would. Please bless them and protect them even from themselves.
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