Okay, this blog is for Rhonda. I find myself in a better state of mind after I write these ramblings, regardless of whether they have a point or not. Isn't that strange?
Had some stress the past few days over a couple of people that I really care about. They've been together for quite some time (for teenagers) and things have kind of hit a rough spell. You know, really I don't care whether they get back together or not - that isn't my business. But I do care about their individual well-being and when they are hurting, it hurts me. It does remind me though how much they (not just these two, but all teens) are learning about building relationships and how to interact in a romantic relationship. You know, a lot of bad habits can be formed during those years. I see some of them doing things that are not good for them and will not lead them to any success in real, intimate relationships. Some of it is just kid stuff, but some of it is habitual and unhealthy. For instance: perfect example - I see the girs, many of whom have not been raised in a happy two-parent household, try so hard to be a dictator in a relationship. They think it is cute to make the guy do whatever they want. Gives them a feeling of control. Then they think that if the guy doesn't want to, or won't, that they don't care about her. Stupid reasoning. I mean, we had one guy put salt in a cut on his arm. Talk about retarded. Retarded for whoever asked and retarded for whoever did it. That is not the stuff of good relationships. I make you look stupid for my pleasure. Additionally, I really believe in equality of the sexes, however, I fully support the biblical view of gender roles. I believe that my makeup is totally different from Andy's, which lends itself to my desiring to make a home and care for my family. Probably has something to do with my slight lack of ambition. Now, that is just me. But I think that most, if not all, women and men have some predisposition towards the traditional gender roles.....even in teenagehood. Christian girls need to learn to be responders - to let the guy learn to lead. Not to try to control everything (even though that is our tendency at times) and also to learn to actively care for others over ourselves. But it is a two-way street. But there is harmony where there is obedience to God's commands and plan. Guys must learn to treat girls like they are cherished, to learn to take responsibility for the people that they care for and to learn to lead others into a deeper relationship with Christ.
I do not desire these teenagers to rush to be adults right now. I'm not wanting (or expecting) them to make adult decisions. They won't. They are going to chase the opposite sex and go after stupid people and do all the things that I did. Those mistakes are normal. But as they start to develop and become involved on a one-on-one basis, I wish that they would set out to view this person as a potential life partner. I mean, isn't that the point of dating? I mean, if you just want to go have fun - GO HAVE FUN! It's much more fun not having to answer to one person if fun is the goal. But if the ultimate goal is lifelong companionship, then we should approach this whole thing differently. And part of the blame is on society in general.
Now I move to my soapbox......ahem.....how can teenagers make good decisions? Well, one part is by not starting to date at 11 YEARS OLD. What is up with this? What are their parents smoking? I mean, there is NOTHING positive that is going to come from one-on-one dating at that age. And you know what......almost every kid in our group started young like that. They are children then, and children do not need to have the cares and concerns associated with dating for several more years. Additionally, since I am a youth pastor's wife, and since I hope that our kids are Christians (there are many that I am praying for), I cannot stress enough the value of dating like-minded people. And I was guilty of this when I was very young - saying, "well, he goes to church" and what that really translated to was that he went on major church holidays and when his grandma was in town. Unacceptable. It obviously didn't kill me, but it is peculiar that I have NO positive memories from those people and my relationships with them. I try to explain to my girls that you never know when you are going to fall in love so you must set standards high. You must not allow people to have full access to your heart that are not potentially good husbands/wives. And potentially good husbands and looking for potentially good wives. I never cease to be amazed by one person that I know and care about. Good girl. I like her a lot. But she has kind of dove headlong off the deep end and took up the whole party scene. That's fine - her life, not mine......BUT.......she still wants the whole godly, romantic, loving husband to come along and sweep her off her feet. Great expectation, but why is she looking in the gutter. AND doesn't she understand that that godly husband-to-be won't be looking in the gutter either?? Makes no sense. And I care about this person. I long for her to find happiness and contentedness and to stop running from whatever it is that she is running from.
So that is my diatribe. I hope that my friends work out their issues. I want them to be happy, whether that is together or not is up to them. I will love them either way. But if they are going to be together, then I hope that they will start this thing off on the right foot, recognizing that neither are perfect and that some changes need to be made from how this thing was going previously. Some equality needs to be restored.
Whew....I feel better. Now, if they could.....
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